My acceptance of God’s daily provision: spiritually, emotionally, physically, materially will fill me with contentment.
“LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.”(Psalms 16:5 NIV)
Yield:
When I let go and allow Him to have His way, I have peace.
“And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.(Phillippians 4:7 AMP)
Remember:
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you, I have called you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1 NLT,
What an incredible thought that God calls me by name…and He calls me His very own. As if on the bottom of my foot says, “Jesus,” (instead of “Andy” from Toy Story). Ransom is the act of freeing someone from captivity or punishment with payment, it involves an exchange. Jesus for me. Did God know what He was getting Himself into?
I am named. I am called. I am purchased. I am His. …I will trust Him.
Have you ever heard the saying, “children tie the mother’s feet”? I remember staying home with all my little tikes and can attest to that being truth! Tell me now, when did it happen? In the time my youngest started to grow and become more independent…when did I become so… selfish???
I have said for many years, “You die to yourself when you marry and again with each child.” It’s not really that sad, but it’s a fact. You die to your own wants and desires being met exactly at the moment you want them. There are others to consider now; It’s not all about me.
I’m sure there’s a reverse to this concept because as my children have grown and ventured out- so have my feet! Once again, I have a toddler in the house and he is pure joy, pure energy. I’ve forgotten what’s it like. No jump up to leave… or doing whatever I please when I want. I must stay where he is, watch what he’s doing and allow my “to-do” list a rest as well. Life is simple in toddler world. It requires a little planning, watching the clock and picking up toys. A different kind of busy.
My current stage of life is challenging mentally and emotionally. I think ahead in weeks, not hours. I watch the clock around school letting out and curfew. I’m still picking-up, but it’s mostly teenagers from school and clothes behind the the hamper.
The lesson remains the same… it’s just not all about me and thats ok. I overrate what I want to do anyway 😉 Now, to slow down and sit with my big kids, enjoying something simple with them.
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,“ Colossians 3:23
David loves that I get fired up. He appreciates my enthusiasm and joy. But I can also be so disappointed and crushed when discouraging things happen… especially things with our kids. We have been struggling lately with growing pains in two of our teens. I’m sure it is a challenge for them to have us back home after almost 2 months! None of this has been ideal.
My husband is so even-tempered. He never goes overboard emotionally. He reminds me that we are all sinful and maturity is a process. But I am truly concerned by what I’m seeing: changed habits, attitudes, friends. Feral cats. I feel a dark cloud spiritually – in the house and I am on the war-path in prayer.
I remember Elisabeth Elliot talking about asking God to take her mountains and valleys and level them out, only this came mostly with maturity in the Lord. I need that maturity. I love the highs of rejoicing, but these lows are the pits! How can I keep my joy AND pray the darkness away?
Possibly, my heart is too tied up in our children. And yet, this is the job God gave me. I am to train and teach these souls. I long for them to love Christ and desire to do His will. I pray for them to want to, because I know I can’t do it for them. This alone keeps me on my knees.
My heart breaks over bad decisions and wrong choices – choices that will bring regret. There is NO fool-proof child rearing manual. Every heart is different. As my mom says, “some just kick against the goads,” I cling to the fact that David and I dedicated our Marriage and then each child to Jesus. We have asked for them to be blessed according to the promises in His word:
“Because You have blessed them, God, they are really blessed – blessed for good!” 1 Chronicles 17:27
“They will not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them.” Isaiah 65:23
These are His promises, so I am trusting Him with the timing. Give us wisdom. -Anna
Happy Day! June 6, 2011 was takedown day. David’s ileostomy was undone. Literally his small intestine was cut and fed through the wall of his abdomen 6 months ago. This was the lifesaving measure after his colon tear and repair, so that he could heal. This allowed him to come home from the hospital and leave the PICC line behind.
Because of internal scaring and poisonous sepsis resting in his perineum cavity, the ileostomy could not be taken from the ileum (lower portion of the small intestine, allowing maximum nutrient absorption), but instead was taken farther up. This was our biggest challenge in keeping him at home – staying ahead of the constant out-put. Every 15 minutes, he had to eat and hydrate. utterly exhausting.
I have no medical training and yet I learned. God gave me the strength to clean wounds, change dressings, remove stitches with a tool that came by mail, order and change out bags (I’d never even heard of before), clean and dry a stoma and the skin surrounding. Some of these things brought us both to tears -every day. I respect Ostomy nurses more than ever!
But today!… its over, its behind us! My husband has been put back together and it’s all working fine. Even the surgery itself was less than we expected in every way. No major migraine, nausea or excessive pain. The colon repair from 6 months ago, looks solid and holding, surrounded by yet more scar tissue. And the baseball-sized sphere where sepsis miraculously “walled off,” appears empty. David does have a special knack for scar-tissue, bless his heart.
God is merciful. He has blessed us again and again: with strength and perseverance, wisdom and ability, provision and grace. His plans won’t be thwarted.
Back in October of 2010, when my best friend was diagnosed with colon cancer, slammed is not a strong enough word to describe how I felt. Driving down the road soon after, I found myself ranting at God, “How could You let this happen? And to David -of all people! He’s already suffered so much in hospitals as a child… If it had to be someone, why not me? I’m not the bread-winner, and I don’t lose weight as easily as he does!” ...Tears, sighs, frustration.
Traffic was bumper to bumper as I headed into Atlanta to my parent’s home to cook & care for them. How could life just keep moving along on a day like this?! Straight in front of me was a truck with a sign large and in my face:
“Disaster Mitigation… in a disaster your Response is everything”
I wasn’t sure what mitigation was but I got the message loud and clear! Was I going to totally lose it and freak out or trust the only One who could bring good out of a time like this? I prayed right then, “Lord, if this is something You are asking us to walk through, then use it! Use it for all it’s worth. Don’t let anything be wasted of this whole experience. I want to see good somewhere in everyone.”
It was a hard and awkward prayer I didn’t know how He was going to answer, but I wanted my response to be Hope that God could and would do something For His Glory. More than anything else David and I have wanted our kids to find and know God for themselves. We taught them about Him when they were young, but we knew our personal lives were just their living examples. Our response to little irritations and even big crisis would testify what we truly believed.
God was in the Mitigation business? Mitigation –the action of reducing the severity, seriousness, or painfulness of something. I guess He does this daily. Not by taking our troubles away, but by promising never to leave us alone. And by sending others to help bear our burdens. He also comforts and even lessens suffering sometimes. But my favorite is the promise to bring good out of “all things.”
I know now that God has been actively working behind the scenes, even when I can’t see anything happening. Because when I’ve felt hopeless, and He has remained faithful. He only waits for my response. Will I trust in His undying love and care? This is how my blog was born.
Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. Romans 12:12
Birthday weekend with 2 parties 2 days apart! Rebekah (11) and friends, followed Timothy (13) and friends. Thankfully I mowed the knee-high grass for water balloon fights, easter egg hunts and ice cream sundae bar. April is always a big bash with 2 kid parties back to back.
The night before of party 2, Ben (15) and some friends made a fire in the pit out back. A little after 10pm he appeared at the kitchen door with shock and pain on his face. We all gasped when we saw he was holding his left hand out in front. Skin on every finger was just hanging off! It took a second to decide what to do.
I grabbed a large metal bowl and filled it with cool water, to put his hand in. David called his brother, a fire fighter in Birmingham. I then remembered the liquid Aloe Vera in the refrigerator for burns and swapped aloe for the water. We had no burn gel or silvadine creme. I remembered neighbors we carpooled with who were pharmaceutical reps, they had just mentioned a revolutionary burn treatment, being marketed for the military – they had something to do with its promotion.
I called and they came over quickly, medicine in hand explaining it was not for sale yet. With Uncle Toby giving instructions, David and our neighbor wrapped Ben’s fingers using sterile bandage supplies from David’s wound care days and a new antiseptic military burn liquid. I sat beside them and prayed. We would go to Urgent Care first thing in the morning… before the party.
The story of what happened slowly came out. The boys were playing with the fire. Ben had seen a video using Axe Body Spray to make shooting flames. How it got on his hand is a mystery, but the foolishness of the experiment was certainly self evident. Such a hard and painful lesson, which lasted for days. Cleanings and repeated cuttings of dead skin followed. The liquid which ben continued to paint on even though it stung terribly, worked like magic. His hand was healed in 12 days! We were all amazed.
Oh the mercy of God! He helps us even in our foolishness…
In the summer of 2008 My sister’s and I noticed mom was a bit unbalanced. She had trouble at the beach on the sand especially on the shore as the tide moved. She began to walk in a bit of a shuffle- feet spread apart. There was also a noticeable change in her demeanor, she seemed depressed.
We took note, but mom and dad were very capable together and these moments were random. Fast forward a year and a half, (2010) she became more despondent and tired. Her eyes that hurt her in the sun now hurt with most light and we were constantly in search of darker, more covering glasses. She was also struggling a bit at home with chores, so I would journey into Atlanta to help weekly.
She tried some physical therapy, but more and more she complained of being dizzy. Dr visits, further depression and a lot of frustration led to a psychiatrist office which she vehemently hated. She was the worst patient. After 3 visits ( several weeks between) the Dr saw something we had ignored. The shuffle. It was more prominent now along with occasional slurred speech. She sent us to a Neurologist.
At that moment (fall of 2010), everything went on hold as David was diagnosed with cancer. We left town and my sisters came from out of state to check on our parents. With medicare, mom waited for a neurology appointment and then waited to see a neurosurgeon and waited for many tests. By the time our family was back home together, she tested positive for Hydrocephalus via spinal tap.
Next wait was for a different neurosurgeon who would perform a shunt-procedure with medicare. April 12, 2011 finally relieved the fluid pressure in our mom’s head. My sister in Florida came to stay, such a blessing as I was still caring for David’s ileostomy. We watched mom improve a lot, but brain damage had occurred over the 3 years this developed. Poor dad had never taken care of anyone before. We all pitched in as much as possible. I remember feeling pulled in all directions.
Sometimes life is disrupted. But God carries us through bit by bit.
David and I married at the close of 1988, I’d never imagined married-life for myself. I wasn’t even thinking along those lines. Until… a year prior at a friend’s wedding, it all seemed so lovely and romantic. Hmmm. I asked God what He thought and then I prayed telling Him, “If this is something You have for me, You’ll have to orchestrate it. It’s such a huge life decision I could really screw up. I’ll marry whoever You choose, but You have to be obvious and make it clear.”
Three months went by with words of encouragement from complete strangers. Their messages were prophetic. It was crazy to hear from them that God had listened to my prayer. Then, just like that, I met His pick and we were quickly engaged – married 6 months later. I was now on a new trajectory: from touring and dancing non-stop to wondering what to do with myself.
Teaching ballet covered the next 5 years until it seemed time to have children. When baby #1 came I still managed time for some choreography and rehearsals. Baby #2 cut that out. Then 3, 4 and 5 joined as David started his own business and I got busy homeschooling. The kids were my world morning to bedtime. We were both busy, happy and tired.
I often thought of the endless hours I’d spent at ballet. All that painful repetition of perfecting steps. I drew on the discipline I’d learned, realizing God knew way back then that I would need it in my future. I tapped into the patience I developed from years of teaching- to homeschool and care for our growing crowd. It was the hardest and most rewarding job I’d ever attempted.
Later, 5 children turned into 6 when we took a teenager into our family. Our crew was now complete… for a while. I see that God is into growing and stretching the gifts and talents He gives. He doesn’t mess around. His plans are bigger. His ways are crazy better. He wastes nothing and uses everything offered to Him. So, I have no regrets in giving Him all that I am.
How can I offer less, when the rewards have been so great!
The youngest of 4 girls, I was born into a house full of hairbrushes and shoes, stuffed animals and emotional drama. Our mother was trying to raise ladies – debutants if possible! My dad was trying to pay for it all and stay out of the way. We girls were just trying to make our hair fit with the current fashion and turn the head of a cute boy.
Early on, I alone took the bait offered by mom and started ballet at 5. In just 3 years all I could think about were costumes, recitals and steps to classical music. I was completely obsessed. They used to yell at me from downstairs when the chandelier started shaking, “Anna, stop jumping!”
Years and performances flew by. School was a necessary evil that stood in my way of getting to the studio. I did however, enjoy anything art-related… and Bible class after Jesus entered my world. In my mind, He had come to be with me and help me with my big dreams and goals. We became tight-knit, close friends, but it wasn’t until I turned 19 that I actually surrendered my desires, and skills, and all my training into His ever-loving hands. I began to trust.
What followed seemed like “doors closing” when actually it was God’s “redirection” with blessings un-thought-of. In less then 3 years I was happily married, leaving the stage to teach (things I had said I’d never do). In offering ALL to Him, He had stepped in and changed my heart’s desires. I wasn’t following my plan anymore. I was following His. It’s been thrilling and far more fulfilling than anything I had hoped for.
What a journey it is to trust God with all of today, and tomorrow and the rest. I would not change a thing. His plans are perfect!
Once David and I started having children life came at us fast. I realized I had an exceptional gift for forgetting. I needed lots of notes! Soon I filled up Journals and journals. How wonderful to look back now and read the things that puzzled and blessed me. I treasure every entry of distress or serendipity because they remind me that I really was reaching for my Father and He did reach back. I was heard. And even more, He loved me enough to teach me. As I studied the Bible and prayed… I found treasure; answers to every question of my heart.
This blog was born from my time spent with Jesus, those journals and some Caring Bridge posts in 2010. The goal has always been to bring Glory to Him by sharing what His spirit is always teaching me. I have tried to choose the most interesting, relevant and best lessons. If anything is helpful, I’m glad.
My summary would be: There is always Hope! Even in trials and suffering. Nothing is wasted in the hands of our Father. Jesus made it possible for us to come close and start fresh. He is waiting to work all things together for your good and His Glory. Ask and receive. You are not alone.
This is for me. This is for my children. And for anyone wanting JOY ❤️ -Anna
