This last year has been my biggest test ever! A test of trust.
Since a month following my husband’s last surgery, I’ve been writing his cancer story. Not that it will ever be published, but for our children to read in the future. Some are so young and memories get mixed up. It’s also my a personal testimony of all that God has done. I don’t want to forget. I want a HUGE pile of rocks in the yard to remember!
When I first printed out the CaringBridge posts I’d written, I sat on the floor and couldn’t put it down. There were pages and pages of daily recordings of all that we went through from October 2010 to June 2011. I cried over and over. It was gut wrenching. So much I had already forgotten. It was kind of like reading someone else’s journal. I guess when you go through a crisis like that, it just sorta happens to you and you’re carried along. Now reading it, even I wonder at how we made it through.
God has been so good, so gracious, so merciful! To Him be ALL the Glory! He actually prepared us, directed us, although we didn’t know what we were doing. We had no clue. As a matter of fact, we laugh today that we “price shopped” for his colonoscopy which was not covered by insurance before 50 years.
Most of it seems like a blur of doctors and advice and wonderful friends praying, family supporting. Out of state for surgery? My mother needing my weekly help? Separation from our kids? This was not in anyone’s plans. I couldn’t see how that was going to work. David was so sure about decisions, and I had just had to trust that God was directing him.
“But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3 AMP)
I held on to the fact that God loves me and He will never leave me! From that alone, I knew He was guiding my husband and would protect our family. Whether the big picture was clear (and it wasn’t), whether any of the plans made sense to me (and they didn’t), I held tight to God’s faithfulness. And He was.
He is a good Father, full of loving care for all those who put their trust in Him.