Aging varies so much. For some it looks effortless, slowing down gently over a long period of time. For others it comes harshly. My mother and father were very engaged and active until suddenly mom’s health took a turn. We watched her fight for it two years, when surgery confirmed everything had changed. I had to resign myself that they would never quite be the same.
My father assumed the roll of primary care-giver which did not come naturally to him. I did what I could to help, but it took a toll on his health. His thoughts became more scattered and he’d readily confessed to being confused over daily things. What seemed at first to be the strain of his new position, became more pronounced. A neurologist confirmed -dementia.
Now both my parents are suffering from diseases of the brain. Once again I’m learning a new language and a new set of skills to care for people I love. I’ve been with them for so long, yet they aren’t the parents I’ve always known. It’s frustrating to go and help, realizing they always need more. I to keep it light as I can’t share with them any big concerns about my family like I used to. I miss that… I miss them.
In some ways our relationship is sweeter, more simplified. Like when my tiny mom puts her head on my shoulder or reaches for my arm to steady herself. Or when my Dad holds my hand as we head across the parking lot for yet another doctor’s office. He is trusting like a child, very different from the father I grew up with. My dad was always the tallest, the smartest, the quickest about everything from cars to finances. He was my go-to for advice and information.
Now he looks at me worriedly and places his face in his hands, “I’m so confused.” I’ve sat many times in his spot, receiving counsel. Oh, that I might give just a little back of all they’ve given me. This is a new journey. I’m seeking out every bit of help I can get. We are trying various in-home care options on days I can’t be with them. So far, they have been ok at night. I don’t know exactly what the future looks like, but I know I’m not alone.
ForGlorySake! -Anna
