The Memorial

Posted on February 24, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

We finally had a memorial celebrating our dad’s life and it was wonderful! The most amazing aspect was all the family that gathered together at our house. My 3 sisters with their adult kids arrived Friday. More cousins joined in and about 25 ate pizza! 

With threat of icy roads, we finally found beds late! Saturday was cold, but clear. The funeral home filled up with familiar faces from the past. So many hugs, funny stories and sweet eulogies. Great visiting ended too soon. Papa would’ve loved it!

Back at our house, I counted a crowd of 40 for BBQ. Cousins, cousins, cousins galore. The DVD slide-show played over and over as we caught up on many lost years. Why does it take a death to bring family together? Before we realized- it was 12am!

Sunday, church on-line with coffee, quiche and quietly visiting with our mom. Family gathered again for lunch, this time at a restaurant. Too fun, all of it. Too short. Too sad to have it end. If I could’ve- I would’ve done it years ago, before they got sick… when our dad would’ve laughed and laughed with us!

Celebrate life! Throw a party, invite family, take lots of pictures and write down all the contact information you can gather. The clean up will be worth it. I promise.

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.” anonymous

ForGlorySake! –Anna

Memorial Celebration
Posted in Illness, Practical Life | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on The Memorial

The Greater Love

Posted on February 8, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

Since Dad passed it has been a whirlwind of activity and decisions. Due to mom’s precarious health and her request for a specific speaker at dad’s funeral, a date was chosen for us. We have 3 weeks to get it together. How some folks do it in 3 days?? I’m not sure if waiting is better or worse, but it has given me time to reflect and sort and think over the journey we’ve taken.

Grief is a strange invader. It effects each person differently. Mine came nearly 5 years ago when I could no longer go to my parents for help or share the gut-wrenching walk through my husband’s cancer. I realized then I had lost them as mental support. Caregiving changed my perspective too. I became the parent, they became like children.

I’m thankful we were given the gift of walking day by day through death’s door. I watched him slip further and gradually away… so letting go was not hard. It was true relief. I wanted that freedom for him.

Our mom’s path is different. I think her sorrow began when her husband of so many years could no longer carry on a conversation. She watched him grow more and more frail, yet denial over this being the end held strong. Her grief continues now each day as she sits without him in the den. There is anger and a lot of frustration and sadness. All very natural reactions after a loss.

We grieve differently, trying to be patient with one another. Love is not always easy. It hurts. It also heals all wounds. What a challenge to love like Jesus did, to actually love to death.

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭6‬ 

ForGlorySake! –Anna

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 1Corinthians 13:13
Posted in Devotional, Illness, Marriage, Practical Life | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on The Greater Love

I’ll Fly Away- Oh Glory!

Posted on February 2, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

Sunday, Feb 1, 2015 8:02pm
Hallelujah! My Dad has graduated, and he lives!
I am full of joy to think of him having escaped the confines of this world and that hospital bed.

Stretching his legs and back. Moving freely again. Speaking,
No more confusion, no more worry. No more sickness, no more pain!

His mother and father welcoming him with many others into eternal rest.
Best of all, he’s the first of us to actually see Jesus. After waiting on 5 women for most of his life… he’s first!

Praise God with us for His mercy and timing. Celebrate with us a long and happy life. We are gathered now remembering, singing, and laughing, just like he wanted us to.

Thank you for all the prayers for our family… and now especially for our mom ❤️

Blessings,

ForGlorySake! –Anna

But those who die in the LORD will live; their bodies will rise again! Those who sleep in the earth will rise up and sing for joy! For your life-giving light will fall like dew on Your people in the place of the dead! Isaiah‬ ‭26‬:‭19‬

Fully Alive
Posted in Devotional, Illness, Practical Life | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on I’ll Fly Away- Oh Glory!

Waiting poetry…

Posted on January 31, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

Waiting
Dry is the flower that falls from the vine
Quick was it’s life of beauty divine
Touched and created by God’s gentle hand
All for His Glory,
all for His plan.

Short is a life on the grandest scale
Only to us seems a very long tale
Moment by moment, days as sand
Time measured out
to every man.

Then to our Maker a soul returns
Accounting for even the smallest of words
Actions, thoughts, the slightest of deeds
Nothing escapes
The One who sees.

Who is worthy to stand before God?
For mankind is made of dusty sod
Only by Faith in One we are saved
Through Jesus’ blood
our debt was paid.
(2015)

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be… my days are numbered… ‭Psalms‬ ‭39‬:‭4‬

ForGlorySake! -Anna

Posted in Illness, Poetry | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Waiting poetry…

Again with the waiting and trusting…

Posted on January 26, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

I’ve thought and thought about writing a blog on this dying process. From reading the daily notes in my journal, my husband recommended I wait. Wait until emotions die down and I have a full retrospective view. But while it’s fresh, while we are still in the throws, I want to post.

This constant vigil of watching my dad wither away, the waiting and wondering is gnawing. Forgive me if I’m too blunt. I feel raw. There is nothing pretty about dying. It’s ugly and degrading. The only beauty I can find in the whole thing is in the care given and the grace God offers our family moment by moment.

Before you think we are somehow special, know we’ve all struggled -not only to learn what to do, but to do it at all…again and again with a good attitude. Just for the record, my husband has proven the most patient. Probably because he has suffered so much; he understands it. It’s just frustrating to me that there is not something someone can do to help or hurry it along. There seems to be little point in the lingering and little comfort possible.

Most of what we do now is general body-maintenance. I’m thankful in that it’s happening here and not somewhere else. I’m thankful my mom is by his side. Even if we are sometimes awkward or clumsy, I know they both will be loved right up until the end. My peace rests in that and knowing someday we will all be together in Jesus, for eternity.

Oh, the joy of knowing Christ as LORD!

ForGlorySake! –Anna

Posted in Devotional, Practical Life | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Again with the waiting and trusting…

Hope For the Caregiver

Posted on January 12, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

I’ve read this verse countless times, but I never once thought about it the way I am today:

“Be strong and courageous, do not be discouraged, for the LORD will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I do not feel strong. As a matter of fact my back is killing me by the end of each day. It”s because of  bearing more and more of my dad’s weight. He has changed rapidly from: walking solo, to using a walker, to barely standing, to only sitting – and not straight! In the last 10 days he’s had a complete decline. It takes 2 of us to move him from bed to wheelchair, wheelchair to recliner. He can no longer help with his feet at all.

I should’ve taken a course on all this, but it has come so very fast. I’m thankful for YouTube videos and Hospice to teach me. It is time for a hospital bed to be brought in, but my mom does not want this yet. It is hard for her. I am feeling quite discouraged as each morning brings a new challenge we never considered before. Our family has had to be creative on the spot since Hospice can’t reach the house before something must be done.

The more hands available really help. Thank God we have so many people here. Everyone has been on call. Each of our kids has put in their strengths and creativity these last few days. Yesterday, Grandma had what seemed like a small stroke. It was very odd and different from my Papa’s episodes. We all waited and she recovered her speech, but something is different about her. Everything is always different. Not much to depend on.

And yet… the LORD is with us! Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He doesn’t leave when it’s messy or difficult. He is not daunted by weight transfers or diaper changes. He’s seen it all and knows everything humans go through. He’s promised to stick with us and only because of that, I will go, where He has called, and trust, in His strength.

ForGlorySake! -Anna

EXCELLENT! devotional by Peter Rosenberger
Posted in Devotional, Illness, Practical Life, Trust | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Hope For the Caregiver

When Life Gets Crazy

Posted on January 5, 2015 by For Glory Sake!

My mother, a typical Southern-belle, has decided she’s not ready to die right now after all (her words). We have stepped up our care for both my parents however. Especially Papa who seems to be failing very fast.

We were told a step down would take place regarding dementia when we changed their address. Also with any major event, like going to the hospital or being separated or people gathering. Each change in routine can cause a decline. After all the company that came and went at Christmas, we expected something.

This time it has been a major shift. Papa’s legs stopped working overnight. Whether from a mental block or actual physical limitations, they will not bare his weight. He can not walk in the house, much less up the driveway and down the street for their little strolls (sometimes 2 0r 3 times a day). I actually dreamed of pushing him in a wheelchair the night before I had to quickly run and grab it!

Thankfully we have one from the days my grandmother lived with us growing up. As he’s been shuffling around the apartment lately, struggling with transfers from chair to standing, Hospice warned me this process would become more and more difficult for him.

Medicines, meals, laundry, floor mopping, carpet cleaning, many-many bed changes, clothes changes, diaper changes… followed by long slow hours of watching and waiting. Sometimes it gets crazy and I feel nuts. My husband and I go to bed at night exhausted, thinking surely 3 days have passed instead of just 1.

I miss my sisters already, they were great help. Tomorrow brings our care-helper back. I will take one moment at a time, knowing God is near. He never leaves me to do this alone. He will show us how to handle this next phase. I believe He has a plan, because nothing He does is ever wasted. Pray for us!

ForGlorySake! -Anna

new phase…

Posted in Devotional, Illness, Practical Life, Trust | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on When Life Gets Crazy

…and then some.

Posted on December 21, 2014 by For Glory Sake!

Last week I posted about seeking abundant grace, knowing He would bring it. That very day, I let my daily care-helper off for a  trip. No worries, some family is coming. That night, my mom (79) fell backwards in the bathroom, on the tile, splitting her head open, too close to her implanted shunt for hydrocephalus.

It took 2 of us to hold this tiny feisty woman down, who did NOT believe she was injured, even after seeing several photos of the blood pooling! She adamantly refused the help of 911. Thankfully, as I hold medical POA, they did their jobs anyway. We all headed off to the ER. Our son (again rode in the ambulance which has only confirmed his desire to start EMT training in January!)

My mom started to come out of her fog as we waited on CT results. Even I have lost count how many times we have been in one hospital or another! They showed told her this new wound needed special care and that a Subdural Hematoma (bleeding on the brain) was present. They wanted 24 to observe her progress. 

Immediately gritted teeth, angry eyes appeared. Loud No’s and banging on the bedrail began. She repeated, she WAS NOT STAYING IN THE HOSPITAL! I asked to speak with the doctors outside. As she can never be intubated again due to trachea scaring and the fact that her living will has DNR (do not resuscitate), I asked if she could be released to return home on Hospice care?

They agreed and we came home to Papa. Now we are watching and waiting with Hospice, Praise God! She never has to go to the hospital again. Hospice comes to us ❤️ I am so blessed by their helpful services.

We don’t know what the future holds. We are told  We are not this may be the it…  We joke that their lovely apartment is now a waiting room for relocation. No one is shy to speak of death. Grandma is ready to go! Papa is less aware, but certainly prepared. Such a curious time. No one is sad, not yet. Just more thoughtful, in every way.

ForGlorySake! – Anna

Happy to be home!
Posted in Devotional, Illness, Practical Life, Trust | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on …and then some.

Dry

Posted on December 15, 2014 by For Glory Sake!

I came to God so dry today. It’s been a tough weekend. I have felt stretched thin and ready to cry often. I pushed through, kept on trying and finally made it to Sunday night collapsing in bed.

“And God is able to make all grace (every favor and earthly blessing) come to you in abundance,”

This morning (Monday) early -I felt the tug. “Come, get up, and draw from me.” I crept to the den, turned on the Christmas tree lights and began to read my Bible. In the quiet I could hear better, think better, humble my heart before our Great God.

“…so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient [furnished in abundance for every good work],” 2 Corinthians 9:8

He always understands. The phrases leapt off the page and stuck in my heart. “God is able… in abundance.” That’s what I need, grace in huge doses for what’s ahead today. Everyday. His amazing grace in me furnishing all I need for every good work. I can’t drum it up, but I can tap into it, through Jesus, by His strength and with His promises.

Thank you LORD for waking me and for Your word – Pour it on! I believe You can. I believe You will. In Your strength I go, In Jesus’ name.

 

Quiet Time
Posted in Devotional, Illness, Practical Life | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Dry

The possibilities of growing old… part 2

Posted on November 30, 2014 by For Glory Sake!

Life has become very fragile. My dad does not speak much anymore. He is restless and agitated. They both sleep a lot during the day. In the evenings he has “sun-downing”- common to Alzheimer’s. He must be watched constantly!!! My mother has a new geriatric doctor that is helping us with her aggression. She still does not qualify for Hospice, yet they noticed she needs oxygen occasionally. She is warming a bit to one nurse. 

I wrote last time about God always preparing us for His next move. wh I said that this idea brought me Hope, because God isn’t finished transforming or using me. I also mentioned how as long as I’m still breathing there’s the chance for something new to happen. All of this is still very true.

Sometimes I wonder who is benefitting from what we are doing… other than the obvious? Was it wise to put all of the family through such strain? Or is it more important than I can calculate? Was this a gift from God? Might these events have future positive impact on our kids: daily interaction with grandparents, watching bodies turn frail, even dementia strip personalities. Could this have an affect on life-work?

Maybe I’m not supposed to to just muscle through or look for a way to survive? What if something greater is happening? After the last ambulance ride, I heard our son talking to one of the EMTs about training, jobs and hours, and there was another conversation with a physical therapist at the hospital…

Yet maybe this is simply for them to see us struggle with the end of life and all that entails. Hmmm. Only time will tell.

ForGlorySake! -Anna

Our crazy crew – Christmas 2014
Posted in Devotional, Illness, Practical Life | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on The possibilities of growing old… part 2