Life has changed. It’s different without Papa here. My mom is sad and despondent She is angry and unsettled. Can I blame her? She is mostly angry he left her here alone. They have never been apart like this… without any contact.
The other night she dreamed he came to see her. He “woke her up rummaging in the dresser for socks, he could not find a matching pair.” He asked if she’d “like to go with him.” She responded she didn’t think it was time yet. They talked about heaven- how there were people there he was surprised to see… and people he thought that would be there, but weren’t.
Food for a lot of thought.
She told me the whole conversation very clearly, so I wrote it down. I asked what she had been wearing and if she had stood up without support? Not something she can do now. Surprised, she said, yes, she was standing and wearing her old blue robe 🙂 Today she has decided that she can not walk, so we are using the wheelchair for a stroll.
There is less to do and yet still I feel tired and pulled and impatient to sit and be still. I struggle with accepting her criticism and anger. I constantly need reminding that there is much involved with grief. My mom does not want my father’s “helper” to come again. Hospice would like to assist, but she tolerates only one particular nurse and then… it’s occasional.
Tolerance is low, so we whisper and cancel anything unnecessary. The hospital bed, she demanded we move, must stay says our nurse. She is encouraging mom to give it a try. I see she’s thinking about it. They are good with giving her choices.
There is grace with love.
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. We love each other because He loved us first. 1 John 4:11&19
We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16
Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
ForGlorySake!– Anna
