Ben spoke last night, telling his story for the first time to a room full of parents of other prodigal children. He did a great job, and David and I were extremely proud of his willingness to be so vulnerable and open. He explained how he got involved with drugs and all that led him down the path to addiction.
I was in awe by how much He has learned in a year from his counselors and pears at Insight. We were also impressed that he spoke well over the 45mins they gave him and then took questions from the parents (this is one of our quiet children). Ben’s manner was heart-felt and thoughtful. I don’t believe there any dry eyes in the room.
The point of his story was that there is always hope because God is ever calling to us. As Ben told one mom, whether a child is seeking after God right at this moment isn’t the issue, because God is always there seeking after that child. He told again and again about his own struggle with, sometimes searching in the Bible, feeling horribly guilty for the double life he led, and sometimes feeling angry thinking that God was punishing him by giving his dad cancer.
Such mixed- up muddled thinking. Such wrestling we didn’t realize was going on. I remember thinking back then how Ben had changed. He had seemed hard-hearted and unfeeling, so I prayed for him to feel guilty. I prayed A LOT- walking around the house and kneeling by his bed, even laying face down on his floor. I always seemed to end up in his room… I’d beg God to somehow reach our child.
Last night I came away with a better understanding of grace. When he shared his moment of realizing- I’ll never become good enough for God… yet God has loved and accepted me just as I am. I clearly saw grace. Ben calls it his moment of surrender. All the trying and failing, the insecurity, the guilt of messing up, the feelings of “I’m alone in this,”… these somehow grow small next to a great big God and His great big plans.
ForGlorySake! -Anna
