{"id":1955,"date":"2014-10-21T10:49:58","date_gmt":"2014-10-21T14:49:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/etheriedge.wordpress.com\/?p=1955"},"modified":"2020-05-06T15:47:46","modified_gmt":"2020-05-06T19:47:46","slug":"repost-recovering-meth-addict-answers-the-burning-questions-by-barbara-cofer-stoefen-website-by-author-media","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/2014\/10\/21\/repost-recovering-meth-addict-answers-the-burning-questions-by-barbara-cofer-stoefen-website-by-author-media\/","title":{"rendered":"REPOST! Recovering Meth Addict Answers the Burning Questions \u00a9 by Barbara Cofer Stoefen"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recovering Meth Addict Answers the Burning Questions<\/strong>
\nI sat down with my daughter recently, and asked her some of the burning questions about addiction that we all want answers to. Annie is now thirty-one and eight years clean and sober. In view of the obvious risks involved, people are curious why anyone initiates drug use, and why one continues to use drugs in spite of extreme negative consequences. We also want to know what we can do as moms, if anything, to try and get our addicted loved one to stop using.
\nA few women from The Addict\u2019s Mom group here in Oregon and Washington helped provide some of these questions:
\nQ: Why did you start using in the first place?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Alcohol was my first drug of choice. I was nearly 18 when I first drank and wondered where it had been all my life! I found it helped me feel more socially comfortable\u2026 more comfortable in my own skin. It diminished my anxiety. I always felt kind of \u201cless than\u201d and drinking numbed that feeling. I continued to experiment with other drugs over time. The first time I used meth I was told it was cocaine. Surprise! I loved it for about a minute\u2026 until it completely took over my life. I was homeless within two months. Eventually, alcohol, meth, and other drug use wasn\u2019t about getting high\u2026 I used so I didn\u2019t have to feel at all.
\nQ: Do you think addicts become addicted to the street life?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Oh sure. There\u2019s no accountability out there. There\u2019s perceived acceptance from being around people just like you. But it\u2019s an illusion. It\u2019s not safe. Women are used and abused. It\u2019s all about what one person can get from another.
\nQ: What finally convinced you to get clean?
\nAnnie: I initially agreed to go to treatment as a bargaining tool\u2026 because I didn\u2019t want to go to prison. The idea terrified me. I\u2019d been to jail about six times, and was pretty sure prison was next. I kept relapsing in treatment though. I was about 100 days cleans and then relapsed again. It freaked me out to realize that a beer at a bowling alley could progress, literally within hours, to a weekend of meth use\u2026 and then going home with a drug dealer. I couldn\u2019t believe it took mere hours to advance to a level of using that had previously taken me a year to get to.
\nQ: What was your bottom?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: There were many. But the one that really got me to the place of \u201cno more,\u201d was the incident I mention above. I\u2019d just finished 4 months of rehab and a month in a sober house, yet then went on this meth spree. Things went downhill instantaneously. I found myself sitting on the curb in front of a Borders in So Cal, with no where to go\u2026 except to some guy\u2019s house. I was miserable, embarrassed, and broken. It was extremely painful. I knew I could either go get more drugs\u2026 or stop. My powerlessness was apparent. I walked into a bar, ordered a beer, and then walked out with the beer half empty. That was my last drink\/drug\u2026 and ironically the only time I\u2019ve EVER had just one.
\nQ: What is a bottom anyway?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: I think it\u2019s when the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change (note: a parent\u2019s enabling can keep the user from experiencing this.) For most addicts, the \u201cfun\u201d of using disappears pretty quickly. We continue to use because it\u2019s just too hard, or too painful to stop. But then it ultimately becomes too painful to continue\u2026 if we\u2019re lucky.
\nQ: How have you stayed clean?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: As clich\u00e9 as it sounds, it really is one day at a time. Don\u2019t pick up no matter what. Life is hard, but addicts tend to perceive life as being harder than it actually is. Asking for help from other people who have successfully achieved long-term recovery is very important for most of us.
\nQ: Does it get easier with time?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Yes! When you stop using drugs, the idea is to find a better way to live. It\u2019s not all about the drugs. It\u2019s about you (i.e. me). It\u2019s about learning better life skills rather than throwing a substance at it. Drugs aren\u2019t the problem. I\u2019m the problem. Drugs are a symptom. Take the drugs away, and I\u2019m still here. To achieve recovery one needs to change absolutely everything. Most people, that is \u201cregular\u201d people, are rarely ever given this kind of fork in the road.
\nI think addiction is on a spectrum like a lot of other diseases. Some of us are sicker than others. Some of us recover more easily than others. Some of us don\u2019t recover. Some of us die.
\nQ: Are you still going to meetings?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Occasionally. I\u2019m in a women\u2019s group and I attend that meeting once or twice a month. My husband rarely goes to meetings anymore, but the most important people in his life are in recovery. He knows where to go when he needs help. Most of our mutual friends are in recovery, so we don\u2019t hang around people who drink or use other drugs.
\nQ: Do you ever have \u201cflashbacks\u201d or any lasting physical effects from having used?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Initially I had lots of using dreams, but those eventually fade. Now, eight years into recovery, I rarely do. But I\u2019ve had moments where there\u2019s a vivid memory of a traumatic episode. The guy who first gave me meth, and who once held me hostage for a day and a night, showed up at one of my 12-step meetings a couple of years ago. I was running that meeting and couldn\u2019t bolt like I wanted to. It was one big anxiety attack. I had a hard time wanting good things for him, or to welcome him into the recovery community. He didn\u2019t last though. He went back out within a week. I hate to admit it, but I was glad.
\nI can also get fixated on things, like when I pluck my eyebrows or clean the house. Meth gets you hyper-focused and there\u2019s some residual from that. I also have some weird anxieties and OCD stuff that I didn\u2019t have before. Like I\u2019m always picking at my fingers and silently counting them.
\nQ: How long does it take to feel normal again?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Normal? What\u2019s that? I\u2019m resigned to the fact that normal doesn\u2019t exist. I don\u2019t want to \u201cfeel like myself\u201d again because that\u2019s what got me into trouble in the first place. I\u2019m still figuring out who I am. One thing families can do to help their addicted loved one recover, is to have no expectations about who or what they\u2019re supposed to be. Love and accept them for who they are.
\nQ: Do you have any advice for moms who have a child in active addiction?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Know that it\u2019s not about you, or something being done to you. There\u2019s nothing you\u2019ve done to make this happen. There is nothing you can do to fix it. It\u2019s an inside job. We (addicts) can only help ourselves.
\nMeddling can push your child further away. Always crying and begging and pleading doesn\u2019t help at all. Telling us how awful we are doesn\u2019t help either. We know this already. We won\u2019t react to your emotions or pleas because we don\u2019t want to feel your emotions\u2026 or our own for that matter. You probably think you know your child, but chances are you have no idea who he or she is. And you need to accept that you have no idea what it\u2019s like to be in their skin. We don\u2019t want to hurt you, so we pull back.
\nThat hard exterior you see is our defense mechanism. On the street, other addicts will eat you alive if you don\u2019t toughen up. There is no trust. All people do is take from you. And you have to remember, some of the people we\u2019re hanging around with haven\u2019t felt anything for years and years. The street is drama magnified. Meth addicts hang with meth addicts and heroin addicts hang with heroin addicts. Everybody has sex with everybody else. It\u2019s perpetual Jerry Springer. It is not classy. But it\u2019s what we know.
\nWhen you\u2019re wondering why the addict keeps using, in spite of tremendous negative consequences, know that we will ride this thing until the wheels fall off. It\u2019s the nature of the beast.
\nQ: What do you think about interventions?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: Interrupting the cycle can be a good thing. Introducing another option. And even if it doesn\u2019t take right away, seeds can be planted. Exposing the person to something better can be a good kick-start to recovery.
\nHandcuffs proved to be a good interruption for me.
\nQ: There\u2019s lot of talk these days about use of the word \u201caddict\u201d and how some consider it a demeaning label. How do you feel about it?<\/strong>
\nAnnie: It\u2019s ridiculous that people get all hung up on words. For me, the word \u201caddict\u201d is the noun for someone who suffers from the disease of \u201caddiction.\u201d It\u2019s just like \u201cdiabetic\u201d is the term for someone who has \u201cdiabetes.\u201d I don\u2019t think it\u2019s demeaning at all. An addict is what I am. I\u2019m not crazy about the word \u201cjunkie.\u201d I do think that has a negative connotation that tends to marginalize\u2026 but not the word addict. At least not for me.<\/p>\n

If you have more questions for Annie, please leave a comment, or send me an email at Barbara@BarbaraCoferStoefen.com.<\/strong>\u00a0Posted on September 30, 2014
\n\u00a9 by Barbara Cofer Stoefen | Website by Author Media<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recovering Meth Addict Answers the Burning Questions I sat down with my daughter recently, and asked her some of the burning questions about addiction that we all want answers to. Annie is now thirty-one and eight years clean and sober. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[19,20],"class_list":["post-1955","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction-recovery","tag-addiction","tag-addiction-recovery"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paUt4s-vx","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1955","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1955"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1955\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5527,"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1955\/revisions\/5527"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1955"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1955"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forglorysake.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}