Ugh, I remember raising my voice at my kids when they were young. Not just to get them all in the car, but other times too, when I was so frustrated. I frightened them and that hurt my heart. It hurts my heart now.
I could not seem to get everyone to do what needed to be done. And there was so much to be done! Daily frustration was starting to become a real problem for me. How did David stay so calm? How did he always have a calm manner? Why was I so frustrated?
I lost my voice once from laryngitis. I heard my sweet little 4 year old say, “Mommy, you’re so nice today.” Crush. He was right. It wasn’t the words I used, but the tone and volume I gave in to. I needed help.
In the grocery store, I saw a book, She’s gonna Blow! Real help for moms dealing with anger, By Julie Ann Barnhill. Yikes, was that me? Did I really have a problem with anger? I bought the book and devoured it.
Julie used humorous stories to show me my root issue. She helped me see there was a trust-issue in my heart… or rather, a lack of trust. I learned – the more control I assumed of: schedule, homeschool, our home… the more frustrated I grew. And the more I tried to make everything work out just right, the more angry I became.
Letting go and letting God have His way allowed me to rest in Him.
Seems like a duh- moment now, but it was a real Aha then! A new Joy came with contentment in what we daily accomplished. I didn’t have to make everything perfect or everyone happy. I only needed to be faithful to One and He would cover the rest. I began to laugh more and enjoy our children more.
It took continued practice, but how thankful I am, to be free from anger.
ForGlorySake! –Anna
