I remember raising my voice at my kids when they were young. Sometimes just to gather them all together, but other times because I was so frustrated. It hurt my heart then, it hurts my heart now.
I could not seem to get everyone to do what needed to be done. And there was so much to be done! It started to become a problem… in me. How did David stay so calm? How did he never seem to raise his voice? Why was I so frustrated?
I lost my voice from laryngitis once and heard my sweet little 4 year old say, “Mommy, you’re so nice today.” Crush. He was right. It wasn’t the words I used, but the tone and volume. I needed help.
I saw a book in the grocery store, “She’s gonna Blow! Real help for moms dealing with anger” By Julie Ann Barnhill. Yikes, that was me. Did I have a problem with anger? I bought the book and devoured it all.
Julie used humor and stories to show me my root issues and to help me see what my kids were seeing. It was a trust thing in my heart… or rather a lack of trust in God. It wasn’t all up to me to make it work out. He was in control and He wanted me to rest in Him.
The chores did not go away but a new Joy began and a contentment in what was accomplished. I didn’t have to make everything perfect or everyone happy. I just had to be faithful to seek Him and He would cover the rest. I could laugh and enjoy my children.
It’s taken years of practice but how thankful I am, to be free from anger.