Life has become very fragile. My dad does not speak much anymore. He is restless and agitated. They both sleep a lot during the day. In the evenings he has “sun-downing”- common to Alzheimer’s. He must be watched constantly!!! My mother has a new geriatric doctor that is helping us with her aggression. She still does not qualify for Hospice, yet they noticed she needs oxygen occasionally. She is warming a bit to one nurse.
I wrote last time about God always preparing us for His next move. wh I said that this idea brought me Hope, because God isn’t finished transforming or using me. I also mentioned how as long as I’m still breathing there’s the chance for something new to happen. All of this is still very true.
Sometimes I wonder who is benefitting from what we are doing… other than the obvious? Was it wise to put all of the family through such strain? Or is it more important than I can calculate? Was this a gift from God? Might these events have future positive impact on our kids: daily interaction with grandparents, watching bodies turn frail, even dementia strip personalities. Could this have an affect on life-work?
Maybe I’m not supposed to to just muscle through or look for a way to survive? What if something greater is happening? After the last ambulance ride, I heard our son talking to one of the EMTs about training, jobs and hours, and there was another conversation with a physical therapist at the hospital…
Yet maybe this is simply for them to see us struggle with the end of life and all that entails. Hmmm. Only time will tell.