Our world seemed fairly easy during the early days of child-rearing. I planned everything! I was in control of school and schedules. Then life happened and that mold was broken. Not what we had counted on. What was happening? Why were we being singled out?
For years, I prayed that our family would be a light in the darkness, a city set on a hill; some kind of beacon of hope. I just wanted to encourage other marriages and families. When God answered my prayer, it was not at all what I expected. We became more like an example of pity. It was like living through an ongoing train wreck -while others watched.
God’s ways are certainly not mine. I’ve stopped trying to understand them, I just wait for His glory. I know it will come. Standing with God, through the disaster, has possibly all He’s ever wanted. Tools used to show His faithfulness in the midst of chaos. Light that’s visible in a long dark tunnel.
Who am I to say how God should use what He has made? If it’s in untangling messy knots, then so be it. I will admit it has been hard to let go of the image of a whole and perfect family; of everything playing out just right. But this is not about my plan, this is His- for His Glory!
Therefore I can not lean on my own understanding, because even in these times, I have become a light for Him. We are beacons in darknesses, cities on a hill when we shine Jesus to the world. More so than can be dreamed.