One of the most wonderful rewards that follows a prodigal’s return is restored relationship. A fresh start with new eyes and open hearts. Sweetness… and yet there’s pain to be surrendered daily. Pain of past betrayal and unexplainable behavior. Grief over just how the enemy can twist a person and those around them into such excruciating contortions.
Beautiful recovering souls surround daily. They stay in our home. Travel on vacation. We watch them search for new identity and a way back to family. We see them struggle between the joy of a new life and the grief from all their past chaos. Some have heavy consequences they’ll carry forever.
I feel for them. My heart breaks for them. It must be some of what God has felt for me. Sadness over my rebellion and the suffering that follows. In His mercy, in His grace, He keeps helping me sort through my memories, deal with the inevitable guilt and take up a new perspective:
My soul wounded, Shot thru the heart. The question remains when did this start?Our purpose was clear. Assurance we felt, Yet outcomes we dreamed of had NOT been dealt.How did it happen? How can it be?A foundation laid is no guarantee?I feel I’ve been dooped, I’m hurt through and through. It works out for some, but not for a few?Where’d we go wrong? What didn’t we do? Oh God, can’t my efforts be blessed by You Too?Our beginning was grand! Our focus so sure, Then somewhere along courses veered from the pure.Dear God of the heart, dear Lord of the soul, somehow heal us… and please make us whole.Because of Your mercy, turn now your face, in spite of our weaknesses pour out Your grace. –Anna 2012
I still have a ways to go, but I’m learning to enjoy the now and leave the past to Him. I’m learning to love each of my children for who God created them to be. To see them as His own unique design. “Do not lean on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5, hums in my head as I recite, “…Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced.” Romans 10:11
He’s got this… and me… and them… and the whole big messy world in His hands!