little king i

Selfish blind was ruler me, unable to be grand.

my kingdom dwindled, system failed like ever sifting sand.

Completely flawed this covetous, insatiable greed,

stirring lust for more and more, idolatry of me.

i was my own little god, so ever piling high,

accomplishments and goals i’d made… the god of kingdom i.

‘Til laying down all i ruled at the only Source;

the feet of One Who held the keys to changing my life’s course.

i found the freedom, found the peace in giving up my thrown,

all that had alluded me while living on my own.

My God! Who else can be the LORD and do what’s best for me?

i gladly give You full control. i’m Your’s eternally. -anna 7/11/12

ForGlorySake! -Anna

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The Squirming Place

The squirming place lies between prayers sent, and answers that come. It’s when I’ve called out and even surrendered my will, but there’s silence. I can feel the anxiety and suffering, yet relief is only hoped for.

Why does God always seem to allow this gap? What is gained from it? I swear I’ve been here more times than I can count, with my husband’s health. This time its ophthalmic herpes zosterwith presentation of migraine or Shingles in the eye. The rarest of all shingles’ types.

I hate the pain. I hate the wait.

It got me thinking about how instantaneous Jesus’ miracles were. Hands touched a patient or words were spoken, and boom, they were whole. Why not now? …Then, I felt God ask me, “Did the healing happen the moment they got sick?”Umm, no. There were hours and days and sometimes years prior to those scenes. Each of those people had a tale of time before that moment. What I read in the gospels and epistles is their encounter with healing. Wow

So, God has always had a plan. I know this! He knows what He’s doing. I know this too. Still, why does He allow the space for waiting? I have no idea and He is not telling. It’s up to me to trust His timing even when it doesn’t make sense. Can I tell Him I don’t like it? That I think it’s too long or it’s too much? Yes, I think I can… knowing in the end, I just will never have all the data.

I heard a quote recently that really made me think: “God gives you what you would have asked for, had you known everything that He knows.” – John Newton

I don’t know how that’s possible, because I can’t imagine asking for suffering. And yet, God uses it all throughout the scriptures. It sadly seems to be part of our lives and God does not shy away from this fact. Jesus promised we would have troubles, however take courage in the fact that He overcame the world. John 16:33. How did He do that? Through suffering.

ForGlorySake! -Anna

Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes  his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
Isaiah 53:10
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Brazilian love

In my heart I journey south… way south. 10,000 miles, to a country with children I love. Over the years: 6 through Compassion International and countless others with Hope Unlimited.

Beautifully tan and dark headed, their eyes look at me in photos I’ve saved. I call out their names in prayer, writing letters. Hoping some day to hug them, kiss their cheeks, hear their voices.

Why Brazil?

My husband started this 31 years ago. He went there in college to study and to learn. He taught me about the people and culture. I fell in love also. We have waited a long time to visit. In the interim I read and imagine, try to learn the language.

Someday – what will it be like? Will I find more similarities than differences?

Traveling seems to make the world smaller. Unique but not actually foreign. It’s been amazing to enter other cultures and experience life. Individuals become real…with stories. They are now forever tethered to my heart.❤️

The irony of my former ballet company setting up a base there is almost too much. After the travel ban, Brazil? I pray so…

ForGlorySake!-Anna

Hope Unlimited 💜💚🧡
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That was then, this is now

Now… what a strange time. We are home, quarantined, together. Eight of us in the same house. It’s not like we haven’t lived together for so many years, but this is different. Two are home from college – apartment contents with them. Two are married, living in their own space below. Six are still in classes, on-line.

All adults. All independent. All opinionated. All hungry. Incredible people that challenge and encourage me daily. We cover the spectrum: from high energy to mostly mental productivity, a need for social outlet and a desire for peace and quiet. We are diverse!

Looking back over the years and the dynamics of our family (see: Quite a Tale) I’m intrigued to ponder this present time… What is God up to? What is He doing now? Where is this going? How will life be different afterwards?

I don’t want to miss a moment! Not a tiny thing. God don’t let any of this be wasted! Prepare us, grow us, make us useful in it. You’ve gone to a lot of trouble to seclude and set apart and offer a unique opportunity… What can it all mean?

I’m still unsure, but I’m reading and studying and seeking. And He promises (!), we won’t miss any treasure that way. So I will love and be loved and enjoy the moment, knowing God has a greater plan even in thisCovid19/quarantine 2020.

Your will be done!

ForGlorySake! – Anna

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Maybe it would be different…

Had I not lost my 1st baby and 4th baby and 7th baby to miscarriage,

Had we not been given the gift of another son who overcame his past and grew and flourished and succeeded,

Had I not stood by my husband through colon cancer, resection, sepsis, ileostomy, take-down, and double inguinal hernia repair,

Had we not struggled through months of financial loss, building a business back while drowning in oceans of medical bills,

Had we not seen a child through rebellion, addiction, humiliation, out patient and recovery,

Had we not cared for and taken in aging parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia until the Lord took them home in front of us,

Had we not witnessed a daughter who pushed us away for several years, come home by way of Lyme Disease and it’s difficult diagnosis with long recovery,

He we not watched another son deal with the stress of graduating in chemical engineering while managing a long negation process for his 1st job, only to discover thyroid cancer in the midst of a world pandemic and receive surgery the day the country shut down,

Maybe… if I had not lived through those things… my prayer would be different. But as it stands and as I’ve prayed through all these trials, “Your will be done, LORD. Use all this for our good and Your glory. It’s not for me to change Your plan, but to ask You not to let us miss anything. Don’t waste any of it, Father. In Jesus Name.

ForGlorySake! –Anna

tossed
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Tried & tested

Tried and tested, stretched and pulled

pushed to the end of me,

don’t know what’s happening, can’t see the end

wondering where this will lead.

So many thoughts, are swirling about

can’t seem to get a grip,

God of mercy, God of grace

hold me, and don’t let me slip!

Care for my family, care for our needs,

use me in all of Your ways,

open my eyes to see where You lead,

as days pass by in a haze.

Seek more of You? That much I can do,

to You I will trust with all,

protect us dear Father, come get us soon,

I work while I wait for Your call.

“He preserves our lives and does not allow our feet to slip, For You O God, tested us, You purified us like refined silver.” Psalms 66:9-10

ForGlorySake! -Anna

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Strengthen yourself in God

The story of David in the Bible is so exciting. Chapter after chapter he’s in the thick of battles and conflict, fighting, running for his life, even hiding in caves.

Protect me as You would protect the pupil of Your eye. Hide me in the shadow of Your wings. Psalms 17:8

You are my hiding place; you protect me from distress. You surround me with shouts of joy from those celebrating deliverance. (Selah) Psalms 32:7

So many beautiful songs in the book of Psalms were written by him during his struggles. Again and again he turns to God is anguish and sorrow, but ends in hope and praise.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Psalm 116:3

I will offer to You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD. Psalm 116:17

Several of David’s songs correlate directly to the events of his life, found in the books of Samuel (1 & 2). The details of his trials bring these Psalms to life.

“For the choirmaster. To the tune of “Do Not Destroy.” A Miktama of David, when Saul sent men to watch David’s house in order to kill him. 1 Deliver me from my enemies, O my God; protect me from those who rise against me.” Psalm 59:1

Then Saul sent messengers to David’s house to watch him, in order to put him to death in the morning. But Michal, David’s wife, told him, saying, “If you do not save your life tonight, tomorrow you will be put to death.” So Michal let David down through a window, and he went out and fled and escaped. 1 Samuel 19:11-12

What a great time, during covid19, quarantine 2020 to read through the book of Psalms! Morning and night they will offer an echo to your heart for guidance and help.

He said: “I love you, Lord, my source of strength! Psalm 18:1
But David strengthened himself in Yahweh his God. 1 Samuel 30:6

ForGlorySake! -Anna

For more study see: http://www.onethingministries.net/resources/articles/the-psalms-in-the-narrative-flow-of-davids-life/

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Psalm 23 & Covid19

Everyday of quarantine I’ve woken up with Psalm 23 ringing in my ears. Today I realized the correlations clearly after reading a fearful article in the paper on governmental control…

Ultimately the LORD is my Shepherd, not the president or the Governor, or the Mayor, or any other leader. God is sovereign: He wrote my days down, orders my path, holds my future.

He leads me beside quiet waters. God is having all of us rest, stay home, be together like never before. He is restoring our souls. As we allow, He’s getting us back on the right path for His Name sake.

There’s no real fear in the dark valley, our Shepherd is beside us to walk with us and comfort and console our hearts. He will never leave us or forsake us. We are not alone.

God will provide for His people in the midst of this life-threatening situation. We don’t need to fear death, because death only brings us face to face with God. He will cover us with His oil of gladness and fill us with His Spirit, like wine.

God literally chases down “the ones” He loves with goodness and faithfulness, loyalty and devotion… every day of our lives! And we will live with our Divine Host forever: today, in communion with God because of Jesus… and after death, with Him for all eternity.

Have no fear. It’s a win- win situation!
ForGlorySake! –Anna

I shall not be afraid
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A word I don’t like.

Cancer. Yuck. I heard it growing up regarding my grandfather. I was about 9. Not long after, I heard it again: my uncle, my grandmother, my two older sisters. It frightened me. The biggest shock came in 2010 when my husband 43, and dad to our 6, was diagnosed with colon-cancer. Complications, multiple surgeries, and a long stay in the hospital, did not give me any warm fuzzies for that word.

Here it was again. A lump found, the college clinic confirmed, ultra sound performed and appointment with a renown ENT… all in 7 days. After waiting 18 days for pathology on 4 biopsies, the rather large growth on our son’s thyroid was diagnosed “undetermined, but very suspect.” Surgery for a hemi-thyroidectomy was scheduled.

In the 7 weeks leading up to the procedure, Covid-19 attacked the world outside of China! In a matter of days, it reached our shores and everything began closing from universities to school, restaurants, businesses and beaches. Even dentists and eye care cancelled appointments. It was hard to keep up with how fast news was moving.

In His mercy, God provided one of the very last openings for outpatient surgery on march 18. Our amazing ENT, Dr. Athavale did an fantastic job! We are still praising God, the surgery actually happened. 7 weeks was not too long, 5:30am arrival was not too early, and the word cancer was not even too scary… because we serve a God who is BIGGER than viruses and lockdowns and diseases. He can, He will, He does!

Thank you Dr. A for being the healing hands He works through.

ForGlorySake! -Anna

Glad to be on this side 🙂

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End of me, best place to be!

Today I am just at the end of me. I don’t have any more bright ideas, and I don’t have much energy to care. I don’t think I can possibly push through, I don’t even feel like I can cry.

Been there? I sure have. More than once. More times than I can count actually. It’s the “end of me” and it feels so hopeless. But this is the point where God starts. He can finally begin His best work!

Begin to really have His way. Begin to move in specifics He could not before, because I was in the way …pushing, trying to get outcomes that were never mine to get.

He allows me to get here. He waits for me to reach bottom, like an addict. To see I can’t, so He can. It has happened before and it will happen again. At least I realize a bit sooner, try to go slower, wait more patiently. Still it’s, ok.

At the end of me is the best place to be! A deflated self, a humble acknowledging that I can’t do it… even a little. He is my only Hope. He is my only Salvation. He is my Refuge.

On God rests my salvation and my glory; God is my strong rock, my refuge.
Trust Him at all times, O people;
pour out before Him your heart.
God is a refuge for us. Selah
” Psalm 62:7–8

Yes, LORD, hear my heart.

ForGlorySake!Anna

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Love, just to love

I fell in love with this handsome college guy one Easter morning. I met him and wanted to know him through and through. I wanted to talk to him, stay with him, never leave him. It was all rather shocking to me. I had never experienced anything like that before… so I married him.

The only other One who did something similar to me was God -when I was really young. I had heard about Him but I didn’t get the full story until years later. Either way, that same insatiable appetite was undeniable: to know Him more, see Him, somehow get closer to Him.

A child has no real agenda. They aren’t trying to get something from you, they just love, to love. This is why I think Jesus called His followers little children. They only wanted to be near Him. To know Him. To love Him.

Love the LORD God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and all your strength and then love others as you love (care for) yourselves.

It’s a natural flow. Being with God and learning about Him makes me love Him more. Trusting Him and allowing Him to love me, only draws us closer together. I can’t help but then, love God’s other children who share this same joy, and desire for more souls to know this amazing love.

Thank You Jesus, for pursing me and for showing me a love that made me fall in love with You. For a child-like curiosity You are still fulfilling. And a desire for simple faith, I love You for Who You are and all You’ve done.

ForGlorySake! –Anna

Little me… just loving


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